The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
