I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
