He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
