dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
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