pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
