He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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