we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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