Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
