i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Randomize
