i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
