I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
