we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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