She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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