weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
