FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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