If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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