so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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