so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
