so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
