i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
do herpes really smell.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
