1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
