How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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