so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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