dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You ruined the universe
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
