Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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