Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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