You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
