Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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