Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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