you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
