mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
