Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
