You can't special order awesome
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
