I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Rumble strips road head = magical
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
