they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
did i just pee glitter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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