I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
