Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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