Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
