That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
