using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
