ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
