Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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