It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
