hell yes lets make some ravioli
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
