Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
