Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
