Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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