I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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