so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
