I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
