There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
