She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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